On a Mission..

So, I've decided that people and problems can't bring me down anymore. Not in my personal life, not at home, not at work. I'm not letting my health get in the way of being happy. I've let it bring me down for far too long and it's affecting me as a person and as a parent. With this new found joy that I've found in my life rather quickly I might add. It wasn't hard to see what I have right in front of me. I am starting a new thing. We're going to do something new and/or different everyday. Me and the girls. And of course their dad when he isn't at work. And it's going to be something we can show off. Something I can blog about. I need ideas. I only have a few so far.

Sunday- Make a home video.
Monday- Watch a movie together that we haven't seen before. (On Monday due to Disney's movie time monday. Aren't I smart? haha)
Tuesday-
Wednesday-
Thursday- Plan/Make something for lunch together that we haven't made before.
Friday-
Saturday-

Anything anyone can contribute would be great. I'm all for arts, crafts, projects. But I don't want something like coloring in a coloring book. That's something they can do in preschool. :) I want something we have "make" so I can save it in a box for them to have later.

What's this... TWO blogs in a row? haha

Yup, two blogs in a row. Can it last? I'm actually off tomorrow. I have to make up the time Saturday and I have an incredibly long day with the kids. 7am-9pm, but we'll manage and have some fun because it's pay day! (Yay, I think?)

Okay, the real reason for my blogging today is that I've decided that moms don't get enough credit. I recently was thinking about my childhood. Although it was limited due to my dads disease, there wasn't anything mom... (AND DADS, really parents in general) wouldn't do for their children. While I can never, never, ever ever ever remember all the things my mom and dad did for me, I hope that I can remember all the things I do for my girls and hope that even though they will never remember everything, they'll remember and know that I love them and I would find the end of universe for them. There are exceptions, definitely. You do have parents who have children that really had no business having them but in most instances, children teach us what living a life on our own could not. Our parents are awesome. My mom... AWESOME. Even now when I am an adult.. there are no words for how awesome she is. And she's not just awesome to me, she's awesome to my brother too. You do have selective parenting in a lot of situations. I've seen that. And I see parents (including myself) doubt their parenting decisions. It's hard to put into words the emotion of having children. The thought, the effort and the life changing circumstances, is an amazing miracle in and of itself. We're lucky, the days we screw up the most as parents, are the days that our children won't remember. Days where the next morning, it's a "get out jail free" learning experience, so to speak. My girls are still young enough for me to remember the days I had to let them cry it out and cry it out myself. It's odd thinking back and realizing that it wasn't a big deal. I've always tried to spend time with my girls as much as I can. They won't be this small forever... One day, I am going to be taking my girls to school and attempt to walk them in and they're going to tell me, "I don't need you to walk me in." And I'm going to be heart broken and proud at the same time. Just as proud as the day they tell me " I hate you." I'll know... no matter how heart breaking it is to hear those words, that I did something right.
I said those words to my mom at one point in time. As did my brother. But we're where we need to be. Doing what we need to do to raise our families. Why? Because.... we have parents who remember the things we were too young to commit into memory. And thank God for that.

Ok, I'm done. I'll probably read this tomorrow and not understand I word that I just wrote.

Life Updated

I haven't updated this in almost 4 months. I wanted to come on and write about all the hilarious things my wonderful girls have done but that would take FOREVER.


Lanie and Jena moved up a year in their preschool class. Lanie effectively signed the alphabet while on stage with her class. Counted to 30 with them and sang and danced. Jena, well, she was a little bit different. Her small class of "1" year olds who already had turned 2, basically just stood on stage while I song played and ended up with a bag of stuff for it. She kind of stared at the Balloons the whole time. It's okay. You're only small once. :)

Between the girls and work, my day is full. We spent a lot of time traveling to Fayetteville recently. But summer is over and my husband is going back to work soon. May be that will mean more blogging? I'm hopeful, but not so sure yet. It was easier as a stay at home mom, or even a part time worker. Full time has kept me on my toes with 2 toddlers. But I've been pretty happy with them. We get just enough time together. And just enough time apart. My mom has even kept them a couple of days through out the beginning of the year and the end of last year to give me and my husband alone time. In 3 years, both of my girls will be in school and we can start the next chapter of our lives. I'm not sure what that will involve. My husband already told me if I get a great job, in another city... We're outta here! Which is something I think about a lot. Getting away from NC. The best thing that EVER happened to me was moving away from Fayetteville, and my immediate family so I could learn what life was really like. The next thing, which I think may be good for all of us... Would be to leave the state. Is it feasible... not right now. But anything is possible in the future. :)


Silly Quotes:


Lanie: "Look at my face. Do I look happy? No I do not, I look cross."
She enunciated every word too.

Lanie: " I need three options before bed. 1: I need a drink of water. 2. I want to see the fireworks. 3. I want to see the fireworks."



Jena: "I can't go to bed! I don't like it anymore."

Jena: "Don't take my shoes. Don't take my SHOES" (From the girl who we nick named Shoeless Jo-Jena because she won't leave them on in the car.)


That's it for now. Don't feel like uploading pictures right now, but may be later... Assuming I have time to return in the next 4 months. ;)

My heart aches today

I miss my dad so much. RIP Victor Y. Tarabay-- 5/20/45- 4/18/05

"To Where You Are"-- Josh Groban

Who can say for certain

Maybe you're still here

I feel you all around me

Your memory, so clear

Deep in the stillness

I can hear you speak

You're still an inspiration

Can it be (?)

That you are mine

Forever love

And you are watching over me from up above.

Fly me up to where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile to know you're there

A breath away not far

To where you are

Are you gently sleeping

Here inside my dream

And isn't faith believing

All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you

Just one beat away

I cherish all you gave me everyday

'Cause you are my Forever love

Watching me from up above

And I believe That angels breathe

And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me upTo where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile to know you're there

A breath away not far

To where you are
I know you're there

A breath away not far

To where you are

April...

April is a frustrating month every year apparently. I wonder when it won't be so hard? My mom had surgery this month to have a hernia taken care of and her gallbladder out. Daddy D and I treated outselves to a Hockey Game. My back is killing me again. Guess steriods only take care of a herniated disc for so long. On top of that, the nurse that works at my doctors office still hasn't call me back or called in the RX refill I requested. The refill is for that ever important "Pill." I've never been late and now I'm more than 2 days late taking it. I do have to admit, I'm not as tired when I'm off of it, that's for sure! I'm definitely not as moody either. On top of that there are a lot of birthdays this month-- My ma (mother in law) and my pa (father in law), Lanie, Nephew, sis (in law). Then on top of that, the anniversary of my dad's death is coming this Saturday, and I know I'll just want to lay down and cry most of the day. Okay--- Enough ranting, I try to save that for Livejournal. I think I made my point about April being stressful.

Lanie's birthday party was fun. She chose a pirate party and I guess that was it. I bought the stuff REALLY early and then she changed her mind and wanted a princess party. Needless to say, I didn't cave. She got her pirate party and really didn't care about the princess party not happening either way. We had pirate tattoo's, sticker maps, bean-bag toss, etc. It was nice. I'm glad it's over. Next year I may be crying. Part of me really is ready for Lanie to be in school. But I know this next year will go by fast and at some point it will hit me. She's really getting big. Here are some pictures. I only posted family because I'm not sure how well her friends would like to be on the internet.

The cake took all day and really didn't end up looking that good, but it the taste was rich and addicting... at least for me anyway. I don't have too many pictures. I was busy getting things going. Daddy D was busy getting hot dogs on and off the grill. We'll have to wait until we get some pictures back from others who were taking pictures. Really glad the party is over. Really glad she made it to 4 years old. I think it's hilarious that she's so excited and had so much fun at the party--- she's already planning the day she turns 5.

On another note, Jon and I are going to work on losing weight together. We're not overweight, but we're not at the recommended weight either so this summer we're going to get on the ball...er, bike actually. I bought us 2 bikes (with Daddy D's money of course ;p), and a child carrier for the bike for Jena. I also got her a helmet. Lanie has her bike, so we're all set. Next we'll get a punching bag and a basketball goal... or hoop. Wherever you want to call it. I need to lose 15 lbs and tone up. I haven't put him on the scale yet. But we'll see how everything goes. My main thought is if I can get through April, maybe I will be okay for the rest of the year. Maybe I won't, but that's neither here nor there.

*sigh*

So unprepared....

for Lanie to turn four, tomorrow! She's 3. And sadly enough when you ask her "Lanie, you'll be 4. Isn't that exciting?" She says (and this is no joke) "Yeah, I'll get TWO vitamins a day to keep me growing big and strong."


Seriously?! Vitamins?

Where does time go?

Jena turned 2 in January, Lanie will be 4 in 9 days. Birthday's are so very special to me. Lanie's in particular brought me into motherhood. I hate that I don't have too much time to blog anymore. Once every 2 months is not my idea of keeping up with things when I used to blog a lot. I have promised myself I would get back into it because when I go back and read my old posts, it brings back so many memories that I really don't want to forget. I've been in the blog world for at least 8 years and I hate to fall out since blogging used to be one of my favorite things to do.

Motherhood has been a little tough on me recently, especially with the job issue, and pay cut. I'm making about half of what I used to make, working longer hours during the week... but actually working less hours at the time same. I may have to go back to working 6 days a week. It's hard, especially when Lanie went to bed last night around 11, and then she was up at 6:30 this morning. I have to be at work at 5, and then I may make it home around 1am. 6:30a-whenever I make it into bed and fall asleep between 2-3am is rough. I have to take the girls to their little preschool Tuesday-Thursday. It's touch and go really. I've been in a mood lately because I'm so tired that I have to remind myself not to be cranky or moody with the kids. It's not their fault.

Lanie's doing so good in school now. Her first week or two she tested her boundaries, but since then everything is fine. She can tell us a lot about her classmates. I wanted to take her out of school to save money, but how can I do that to her? She's got friends there and loves going. So I'll have to find away to make it work somehow. As for Jena, my Jenabee is getting so big. She's talking more than other kids her age. We can have a conversation with her. Both girls love movies, and especially Cinderella and Madagascar. It amazes me everyday. They look so much like their dad but they definitely act like me. Which in actuality isn't really a good thing. I want what I want, when I want it and I don't let it go. Throw in 2 kids that are like that, and then add in the fact that I want them to do what I say, when I say it.... It's a pretty crazy situation. We've learned to deal with it though. I had to start using that stupid count down from 5 to 1 method. Most of the time the girls straighten up by 4. They've finally realized that I always win. :oD (Wonder how long that will last.)

I thought I would put some pictures my neighbor took of the girls. She's an aspiring photographer and did this out of her home. It was awesome and she's so great with the girls. These are their Spring pictures, and Lanie's birthday pictures. She's having a pirate party in case her birthday attire is questioned. ;o)

In other news, Jena had her first hair cut last Wednesday. Her mullet is finally gone. I thought she would panic, but she did a great job and smiled the whole time. I'll have to get pictures uploaded of her hair cut and her birthday. I haven't even uploaded them yet. *sigh* Too many things to do, and not enough time to get them done.

I hope everyone is doing well. Hopefully I'll be around to blog more soon. The girls have Spring break coming up, and summer too. .... I just have to survive until then! Thanks for looking, even though it's been so long.