My heart aches today

I miss my dad so much. RIP Victor Y. Tarabay-- 5/20/45- 4/18/05

"To Where You Are"-- Josh Groban

Who can say for certain

Maybe you're still here

I feel you all around me

Your memory, so clear

Deep in the stillness

I can hear you speak

You're still an inspiration

Can it be (?)

That you are mine

Forever love

And you are watching over me from up above.

Fly me up to where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile to know you're there

A breath away not far

To where you are

Are you gently sleeping

Here inside my dream

And isn't faith believing

All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you

Just one beat away

I cherish all you gave me everyday

'Cause you are my Forever love

Watching me from up above

And I believe That angels breathe

And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me upTo where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile to know you're there

A breath away not far

To where you are
I know you're there

A breath away not far

To where you are

April...

April is a frustrating month every year apparently. I wonder when it won't be so hard? My mom had surgery this month to have a hernia taken care of and her gallbladder out. Daddy D and I treated outselves to a Hockey Game. My back is killing me again. Guess steriods only take care of a herniated disc for so long. On top of that, the nurse that works at my doctors office still hasn't call me back or called in the RX refill I requested. The refill is for that ever important "Pill." I've never been late and now I'm more than 2 days late taking it. I do have to admit, I'm not as tired when I'm off of it, that's for sure! I'm definitely not as moody either. On top of that there are a lot of birthdays this month-- My ma (mother in law) and my pa (father in law), Lanie, Nephew, sis (in law). Then on top of that, the anniversary of my dad's death is coming this Saturday, and I know I'll just want to lay down and cry most of the day. Okay--- Enough ranting, I try to save that for Livejournal. I think I made my point about April being stressful.

Lanie's birthday party was fun. She chose a pirate party and I guess that was it. I bought the stuff REALLY early and then she changed her mind and wanted a princess party. Needless to say, I didn't cave. She got her pirate party and really didn't care about the princess party not happening either way. We had pirate tattoo's, sticker maps, bean-bag toss, etc. It was nice. I'm glad it's over. Next year I may be crying. Part of me really is ready for Lanie to be in school. But I know this next year will go by fast and at some point it will hit me. She's really getting big. Here are some pictures. I only posted family because I'm not sure how well her friends would like to be on the internet.

The cake took all day and really didn't end up looking that good, but it the taste was rich and addicting... at least for me anyway. I don't have too many pictures. I was busy getting things going. Daddy D was busy getting hot dogs on and off the grill. We'll have to wait until we get some pictures back from others who were taking pictures. Really glad the party is over. Really glad she made it to 4 years old. I think it's hilarious that she's so excited and had so much fun at the party--- she's already planning the day she turns 5.

On another note, Jon and I are going to work on losing weight together. We're not overweight, but we're not at the recommended weight either so this summer we're going to get on the ball...er, bike actually. I bought us 2 bikes (with Daddy D's money of course ;p), and a child carrier for the bike for Jena. I also got her a helmet. Lanie has her bike, so we're all set. Next we'll get a punching bag and a basketball goal... or hoop. Wherever you want to call it. I need to lose 15 lbs and tone up. I haven't put him on the scale yet. But we'll see how everything goes. My main thought is if I can get through April, maybe I will be okay for the rest of the year. Maybe I won't, but that's neither here nor there.

*sigh*

So unprepared....

for Lanie to turn four, tomorrow! She's 3. And sadly enough when you ask her "Lanie, you'll be 4. Isn't that exciting?" She says (and this is no joke) "Yeah, I'll get TWO vitamins a day to keep me growing big and strong."


Seriously?! Vitamins?

Where does time go?

Jena turned 2 in January, Lanie will be 4 in 9 days. Birthday's are so very special to me. Lanie's in particular brought me into motherhood. I hate that I don't have too much time to blog anymore. Once every 2 months is not my idea of keeping up with things when I used to blog a lot. I have promised myself I would get back into it because when I go back and read my old posts, it brings back so many memories that I really don't want to forget. I've been in the blog world for at least 8 years and I hate to fall out since blogging used to be one of my favorite things to do.

Motherhood has been a little tough on me recently, especially with the job issue, and pay cut. I'm making about half of what I used to make, working longer hours during the week... but actually working less hours at the time same. I may have to go back to working 6 days a week. It's hard, especially when Lanie went to bed last night around 11, and then she was up at 6:30 this morning. I have to be at work at 5, and then I may make it home around 1am. 6:30a-whenever I make it into bed and fall asleep between 2-3am is rough. I have to take the girls to their little preschool Tuesday-Thursday. It's touch and go really. I've been in a mood lately because I'm so tired that I have to remind myself not to be cranky or moody with the kids. It's not their fault.

Lanie's doing so good in school now. Her first week or two she tested her boundaries, but since then everything is fine. She can tell us a lot about her classmates. I wanted to take her out of school to save money, but how can I do that to her? She's got friends there and loves going. So I'll have to find away to make it work somehow. As for Jena, my Jenabee is getting so big. She's talking more than other kids her age. We can have a conversation with her. Both girls love movies, and especially Cinderella and Madagascar. It amazes me everyday. They look so much like their dad but they definitely act like me. Which in actuality isn't really a good thing. I want what I want, when I want it and I don't let it go. Throw in 2 kids that are like that, and then add in the fact that I want them to do what I say, when I say it.... It's a pretty crazy situation. We've learned to deal with it though. I had to start using that stupid count down from 5 to 1 method. Most of the time the girls straighten up by 4. They've finally realized that I always win. :oD (Wonder how long that will last.)

I thought I would put some pictures my neighbor took of the girls. She's an aspiring photographer and did this out of her home. It was awesome and she's so great with the girls. These are their Spring pictures, and Lanie's birthday pictures. She's having a pirate party in case her birthday attire is questioned. ;o)

In other news, Jena had her first hair cut last Wednesday. Her mullet is finally gone. I thought she would panic, but she did a great job and smiled the whole time. I'll have to get pictures uploaded of her hair cut and her birthday. I haven't even uploaded them yet. *sigh* Too many things to do, and not enough time to get them done.

I hope everyone is doing well. Hopefully I'll be around to blog more soon. The girls have Spring break coming up, and summer too. .... I just have to survive until then! Thanks for looking, even though it's been so long.

May have more time to blog soon...

I found out at the end of last week that my department at work has been outsourced to India. So, I can transfer to another department within the building but most likely with a huge pay cut that wouldn't make it worth the gas to get to work.

It's sad.. since my department is so close with each other. On top of that, I hope our client loses a lot of business seeing as though the people we talk to always ask if we're in America or some foreign country. They want to talk to Americans. Not people who just get paid to talk to them.


*sigh* We'll see what happens.

"Food" for thought

All you hear now-a-days is how our economy is falling apart. For those of us with jobs that aren't getting cut back, have bills that we can manage with our jobs, etc, it's not too obvious for us that the rest of the country out there is having a problem struggling with our day to day life. Everyone is out there hoping that Obama can sweep in and save us. I wanted Obama in office, just as much as the rest of the population but let's face facts. He is mostly the face of the government. Can he have things changed by the end of the year? Mostly likely not but I think we shouldn't put so much pressure on the man.

What can we do to fix things in our lives? I usually shop at the mega mart terror-- Walmart because it's close to home. A while ago, I noticed a homeless guy on the corner by the light of the busy intersection with a sign wanting money. The intersection is busy because it is a south bound on-ramp to a major highway. Every now and again I see someone giving him money. His sign says "Homeless Vet; Anything helps." I've thought about giving him money but I never have actual cash. I'm a debit card girl. I also see him smoking cigarettes all the time. Is that what he does with his money? I don't trust that. Then quite a few months ago, another homeless man with a sign saying "Homeless Vet, please give money," started holding his sign by the north bound ramp. In the last 2 months, if you go the opposite direction, we have 2 more homeless males holding a sign up. One sign got me. "Will work for food." That's all his sign said.

I see him frequently and yesterday, I was shopping as Sam's and it dawned on me. I spent $17 for toliet paper and $13 on baby wipes. That's $30 spent on wiping our bottoms. And this guy, he just wants to work. I happened to have kept the container of jerky that I bought in the passenger seat because I hadn't had breakfast and I was hungry. He was standing there, probably seen me eating it from the corner of his eye, so I opened my window and offered him some. They were individually wrapped. Part of me wanted to give him all 30 pieces. I'm not sure why I didn't. He offered to help me with something. I decline. He said "God Bless," and went and put the jerky in his dirty, nearly empty back pack. I hope he wasn't living out of that back pack. There really was nothing in it. A couple of dirty things. That's it.

It felt good to help him a little bit. And he seemed to be genuinely in need. Never saw him smoking or drinking. What can anyone do to help him though? The only thing I can think of is to keep a little bit of food in my car for when I see him. I'm sure we have clothes and such that we could give him, but would he take that? I guess it's hard for me to see things like this. When I was younger I would put my leftover food that I didn't eat from dinner in plastic bags in case someone who didn't have food happened to be digging around for some. I've always wanted to help. Just not sure where or how to start. And how does one decide who deserves help? :o/

Oh my goodness...

It's been a long time since I posted anything.... I see. We just got higher speed internet and I thought I would test it out with a vent. I'm tired. Things having been going on since my last post.

For example:

My grandma passed away on Thanksgiving Day. I haven't seen her in over 10 years but I have tried to beat the language barrier to talk to her a few times.

Christmas week my mom was in the hospital and almost died and she's still being stubborn about what she needs to do. So I spend a lot of time going to visit her.

New Years Day was just another day. Didn't celebrate. Didn't stay up until midnight. I worked, and then came home. That's basically it.

January 3rd my baby Jenabee turned 2 year old. Her party was mostly family and a friend or two. It was nice.

This week, I found out I have a bulging disc in my back that's pinching and nerve and giving me sciatica. Lots of PAIN! I can't sleep, I can't move. I can't lay down, I can't do anything. I can't even afford the treatment. I'm on steroids, but that's doing a number on my blood sugar. I've pretty much been crying most of the night. I have absolutely no support. I get the kids all day, and I can't miss work. So, I'm in pain and tired all the time. I hope the steriods start to work soon.


Other than things going downhill in every aspect of my life; the girls had a great Christmas. They were so cute. Jena's birthday pictures were adorable. We even have a New Year's Picture of them. They're doing really great in school. On December 4th, they did a little school concert at the church. It was really cute. Lanie was part of a "Singing Christmas Tree," and Jena was a manger animal... a donkey to be specific but a really cute donkey. I really don't have much else to say. It's not something I've felt like talking about. I really shouldn't even be sitting like this since I have to be at work and sitting like this later. I think if it wasn't for work, I wouldn't know what a computer is anymore.

I hope everyone is doing well. I still read blogs from time to time but something always pulls me away before I can comment.