Thursday, April 01, 2010


I am trying to be civil. I am the type of person who care about any and everything. I try not to bring too many of my personal feelings about situation onto my blog however,  I am allowed to do it once right ? After all, this blog is mine and so are my feelings.  I will leave it as vague as possible.  It's been going on for a year so why not get it off my chest, right? There has been a situation where for the last year my family  has not been included or I should say invited to certain events that don't involve the whole family and despite that, we still change things to have everyone included. Several months after that, after we've bent over backwards to make sure people can come to birthday parties for example, and where half of our friends who were invited couldn't make the changed date but we changed it anyway for family so those particular members could be there because they were doing something that we didn't even get offered to do as well.  Yes, I was nice enough to do that when it isn't about them, it is about the person in question and us. If there is a birthday, we have it at a time that works for us and if anyone can come, they're welcome.  If not, I am sorry that you're unable to come, maybe next time or we'll do something afterward. But no, I went against that and I change things around because I CARE and don't want your feelings hurt.

It's hard to commit to something when you have 2 kids, 2 full time jobs, opposite schedules of each other. In fact, it's really hard.  Unless you're doing it, or you have baby sitters and time off completely available to you, it's next to nearly impossible unless you want to be frustrated and alone with 2 kids somewhere. So we as a family have been judged on that fact alone and to boot,  I was talked about behind my back. So,  can someone tell me why.... when over 7 months ago hurtful things were said about me. And I do mean hurtful, I am not going to say what was say specifically. One person involved I spoke with about 2 months afterward and we're okay. There was an apology there. And I made it clear that I am no longer comfortable.  And it will take time for me to be comfortable. The other party involved which was the main one that was talking about me has no said a word to me in 7 months about it. In fact that party at all has not even set foot at my house. They've not called,  or even text messaged, or even so much as a facebook comment because they're the ones that took me off their friends list on there. That's fine. Chances are since they know this URL they'll read this, and that's fine too but after 7 months, there is no room to talk, and probably no room for forgiveness. We've seen each other several times, heck in one week in December, we were all at the same place more than 4 times. There wasn't an apology, there wasn't anything.  One comment was that they were sick and tired of me. Yet, no one before hand told me I was doing anything wrong and I still don't know what I was doing wrong.If you have a problem and don't tell someone.... how can they fix it?

So, the issue now is that we aren't involved yet things are scheduled when I have to work. And when things are scheduled when I am off of work, I am expected, my family is expected to be there. Without even looking into the fact that most of those people don't visit us. Don't accept invitations to visit us. There is always some excuse. So when we turn down an invitation, we're looked down upon? We're to be made to feel like "fodder" for lack of a better term because we don't want to be around a ton of people and be uncomfortable wondering if what we're saying or doing is going to cause people to turn around and talk about us behind our backs? We already know it happened at least once, since obviously we found out about it. Why would anyone put themselves in that situation. I already have only one weekend day off. If I go and sit somewhere.... where I don't really even want to bother talking to anyone just for the sake of letting my kids have a holiday with the rest of the family ...... I am not going to enjoy myself and my ONE day off with my children, is spent tense and not really wanting to be there? How am I supposed to be an effective parent that way? I could be at home, cooking and playing with my family. ENJOYING my day off. Enjoying all of the things we do and not have to worry about what I am potentially doing that's going to piss someone off. Doesn't that just make more sense? I don't have to get the kids ready. They don't have to miss nap time, and I don't have to go somewhere and move around from room to room out of my personal comfort zone.

People don't realize that things need to be talked through and like I said, I have talked to one person already and they know that I am keeping my distance. They know why and from our conversation, they understand. I am done doing things and bending over backwards for people who can't even talk to me about something that's bothering them and are treating me and my family even worse because I found out. Stones are being cast for things that they don't even do themselves but we are expected to do when we get maybe 32 hours a week total together. And most of those hours are sleeping hours. The total non-sleeping hours together equals 20 for the week.

No, it's not happening. Do I still care, even though I've been talked about and made to feel uncomfortable around those that should have an unconditional love? Yes, absolutely, but I am not stressing myself out and doing things/going places/being involved for people who wouldn't do the same for me and my family. At the end of the day, I am raising my children the best way I can with the circumstances that I am presented with. That's what's important. I won't put myself in a situation where I have to walk on eggshells and pretend to have fun just so we all can be together in the same place. It's not going to happen. Not ever again. In many aspects, I probably shouldn't even care anymore but I am not wired that way. The way I am wired is to do what's best for us first and if it means being less involved, and starting our own family traditions at our house then that's what we'll do.


Holly Schwendiman said...

So sorry to hear of the woes, working through relationship issues are definitely the toughest. Sending you happy thoughts, prayers and few hugs for good measure. ;)

Holly said...

Awe big hugs.

Queen Bug said...

Thanks for the emails and comments. Just for clarification without going in and editing....after so long it gets old. Not that I don't love them or care, but there is too much discomfort. They started it and want to act like everything is okay. It's not okay. Tired of always being the ones who have to do the visiting too. if asked to watch a game or movie, we get tired or busy. Relationship issues are tough but if it were me that said something hurtful or DID something hurtful, I would start with an apology because that makes sense and I never got one and I am done being around it. If I had more time, maybe it would be worth biting my bottom lip a little longer, but life is too short to deal with constantly having my life analyzed and my actions analyzed by people who don't care enough about us to apologize.

Cynthia said...

Found you on mom blogs. I am in a similar situation and I had to post it on mine for anyone to talk about it. Maybe you can have the same outcome?

Anonymous said...

People who don't bother to get to know have no business being a priority in your life.

Love you hon!


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