I just can't take it anymore!

I'm going insane. It's 2:30 am and I can't sleep. My blood sugar is out of whack, above 400 but I need to sleep so I can get up tomorrow and not be tired at work. I'm frustrated from everything caused by Diabetes. The insomnia, the level of my glucose, having to limp around from an old foot injury, dealing with sebaceous cysts on a weekly basis. Dealing with sebaceous cyst also means performing surgery in my own bathroom as best as I can! Which leads me to the fact that I'm tired of keeping gauze, tape, wound cleaner in my bathroom. And the cysts just keep coming back, over and over and over again!! Probably because I shouldn't be opening them on my own but there is no other way to get relief from the pressure. I don't know what to do.

I've been trying to get insurance but it's impossible, and I've called so many numbers, hit so many dead ends. I even had one lady tell me to go check myself into a hospital for six days before I get kidney failure. I've even tried finding a fulltime job but daycare for 2 kids wouldn't even be covered on a pay check. I shouldn't HAVE to use daycare. I should be able to raise my own children. Not just pick them up, feed them dinner and put them to bed! The only time I see myself getting insurance, is when the children are old enough for school. And by then, it may be too late.

Busy summer...

No time to blog, no time to think! I miss blogging, and probably have lost all of my readers. Daddy D is with his grandmother for the night so I figured I'd get on here and do an update before a full month goes by. Between work and home improvements, and taking care of the kids there isn't much time to do anything. Here's what we've done this summer.... except for the deck, we did that last year.









We love it... sitting outside is one of our favorite things to do now. We do it every night (when I'm not working) with a beer or wine cooler and just talk.

I think about my dad a lot, and I got that memorial stone to put somewhere where I can go to think about him. It's funny... my dad was in the military and the military moves around a lot. Before he retired, my family was back and forth to Greece. Daddy D made an interesting point... if my dad hadn't gotten sick where we lived and retired there... I would never have met Daddy D, there would be no little bugs running around. I knew I owed everything I had to my dad... my college education, my car, my apartments... everything. But I didn't realize he gave me my husband and children too. Because of who he is, and his disease, I have all that I have now. I look at my husband and children differently.... and I appreciate them more because they were a gift to me, from my dad. He endured a lot of pain over the years, and a slow agonizing death. And I can't live my life sad that he's gone because gave me all that I have. I needed this realization because I was doing research on death by dehydration and salt poisoning, and it's a slow painful death. I thought he went quickly, but in reality, all of his organs dried up one by one. So while I've decided that I'm letting go of the pain of his death... I'm still going to be pissed off at the doctor who is responsible for letting him die. That I can handle. That's basically it...