"Stop and Stare. I think I'm moving but I go nowhere."

Beware of the long update post:

This has been a frustrating summer. Daddy D was gone for a week at a teachers conference and I think that's when everything, for me anyway, started to go downhill. Before he left we started the whole ordeal with trying to refinance our house with the current interest rate. Which turned out to be a hassle in itself. We needed me on the second mortgage, and it turns out I was still dead with the credit bureau (sp? I never spell it right), so it opened a nice big fat can of worms. I spent days on the phone. When I found out which card it was and I called the company they were like "before we help you, we see a big problem which we will take care of. Before we start that, may I ask what are you calling about." My only words were "You reported me as deceased." Them-- "Yeah, that is the big problem we are seeing." My dad and I shared one credit card. And because he died, they labelled me as deceased as well. Which explains why I have not been able to get any credit at all or even apply for a new card. Nice reminder of what a death can do not only mentally and emotionally (ugh, I really miss him!). It finally got fixed, paid to have the house appraised at a horrible price of $350. Then Jon went to his conference, both of us thinking the mortgage would be ready to be signed when he got back.

I went through my week of stress with two toddlers by myself who are most definitely daddys girls. It was hard, my nerves were shot and still have no recovered. But we did a lot of going out, a lot of shopping. The kids had fun--- Nature museum visits, eating out a lot... things like that. Well, I guess I'm not afraid to out the company name, I do not owe them discression.... East Coast Mortgage has a full week to get everything they needed. When I was asked to fax something to them, it would be there within 24 hours, usually less than that. Daddy D came back, ready to sign. The HUD for the second mortage isn't finished! We wait until the next day... did I mention we told them we wanted this DONE before August 1st. Daddy D came back on the 25th from his conference. They were supposed to come on the 29th, we rescheduled for the same day, even told my work I would be late because it was pushed from 2:30 to sometime between 4:30 and 5pm... but like I said the paperwork was not finished. We finally though August first we'd sign. They were 15 minutes late getting to our house, then they call to make sure we have a certified check for $1100. We were told no cash at closing. They're late for signing and calling to make sure we have that amount that we were never told about?! It's a Friday, I had to work, there's no way to get to the bank to get that kind of money in that amount of time. We said we'd call back Monday. Long story short--- We didn't get the loan. Why? Because people had a full month to get what they needed to do done and tell us everything we need to know and they would not extend the interest rate for us again. I'm not sure too many people can get a certified check for $1100 with absolutely no advance notice. We could have arranged it over the month we were doing this. So we were out $350 that we needed to use to pay the mortgage this month. We were expecting to skip a payment since they said everything was fine. They won't refund it even though it is their fault. And we have to rearrange things to make sure we can get everything paid. I guess we'll sell the house sooner now. Who knows? Maybe we will try to refinance next summer. I'm so tired of the set backs just when we're getting on top.

On top of that--- I have to have $4000 in dental work done because of something my orthodontist did when I had my braces taken off. My insurance covers $1000, if I don't fix it now, I could end up needing 5-8 root canals. I went in for treatment for an abcess under my gum and got that news, fun, isn't it? They saw me immediately the next day to get started. I have to go back Monday to work on 5 more teeth.

I'm up at 2:30 am, we're pretty much out of groceries. We're literally getting creative with what we can mix. And I'm asking myself.... should I just go and charge it? The answer is obviously yes. Or we'll turn to eating out which we've already done that. The only good thing about being up this late is that I got to talk to my mom for the first time in almost 2 weeks because it's later in the morning where she is. She's not having a good time and I miss her. The only good news I really have is that Jena was successful in switching from a crib to a bed. It's been over a month now and there have been no problems [yet]. And I also got a promotion at work--- which gives me my first ever salaried job. Yay? Maybe I'll celebrate later, I've been doing it for a month now so the excitement is gone but I do enjoy the job a lot! It's hard work but I get a lot out of it and that's what I'm looking for at this point in time.

I've attached myself to this song because it's basically how I feel right now:

OneRepublic--- Stop and Stare

This town is colder now,
I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move,
I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set,
On anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself,
Counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal...
For the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here, not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

They're tryin to come back,
All my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags,
I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What you need, what you need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see...