Sunday, November 29, 2009

Reflection and speculation

The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position.

Leo Buscaglia

This is one of my favorite quotes. I signed up for  daily quote emails and this one actually came to my inbox a couple of days ago. I totally forgot about it. It's one of the ones you swear you'd remember and apply to life.  Sad to say, I have not been applying it to my life. I agree with it whole- heartedly. I think that people don't know how to deal with people being themselves anymore. People try to just fit in. I never made it a point to "fit in" with anyone, or anything.  I think that's selling yourself short and taking away from who you really are as a person. Even though, I made it a point not to try to fit in, I think during the last few years, I lost myself a little bit in keeping people happy be it with my actions or simply not saying what I was thinking. Stretching myself thin and "taking one for the team," by participating in things that I really had no desire to do. I'm sure a lot of people do this.  Especially a lot of mothers and fathers. I am fairly certain that it is almost part of being parent, and being involved with family.  But I am also 100% certain that it doesn't have to be that way.
Me and Redmosqui have done a lot of talking, and we've noticed that we both have lost a part of who we are/were because of what people want/need us to be, not because of what we want for ourselves. We've stayed up until 3-4am just talking in depth about how things are, how things were, and how we want them to be.  We know who needs to be a major part of our lives, and the lives of our children and who don't.  We know who we need to let go of or  ignore. A practice long left behind by the masses, that's for sure.
We're focusing more on what we've always been doing. Working hard at our jobs, working hard with our children to make sure they understand the way the world works and how to express their feelings. We didn't get to where we are by sitting at home, by crying or whining about our lives. We got to where we are by making changes.  I know my children to learn when and how to make changes in their life.  We're not in out in any "positions"  and won't be, I want them to learn this as well.  All the thoughts listed above brought up one thing--- something I'd like email insight on if you have the time. Or comment on here and add "don't publish," to your message. Somehow, while we were talking about all of this, we came upon the topic of making our will. Something we haven't talked about for about a year or so when we were talking about who we'd like to take care of our children in the event something happened to both of us. We didn't make our Will then, but probably should now. The insight I am needing is--- how did you decide who is better fit to be taking care of your children during a time like that should it arise?  It's always easier to rule people out than in. If my Bug and Bee were ever in that situation I'd want to know they are left with people who share most of our  values. Who would raised them to be themselves, say what the mean, do what they feel (with in reason, of course.) I'd want them with people who aren't quick to judge people, who don't always take things at face value. I want them with people who can admit when they're wrong, and know how to apologize. I don't want them with people who can't talk open and honestly about life, love, situations and problems. But it seems like these things are the norms in life now. I almost feel like it would be better not to have a will and let the state decide if they aren't old enough to decide on their own.
How did you determine who is right so that you are happy with your choices? Thinking about us not being here for them doesn't feel possible so it's hard to look or think beyond that.


Daddy Forever said...

It was easy for us. My wife picked her sister because they are really close. She's not perfect, but she's a choice than my brother. He can babysit, but I don't think he has what it takes to raise four kids.

Holly Schwendiman said...

Love the quote! It's true that we waste a great deal of our time on this earth learning it's value and truth.

We've recently taken steps toward getting our planning done. It can be a hard thing to answer all those questions and honestly, I'm not sure there's a perfect answer although I understand wanting perfection. :) We moved more of our questions into things of practicality, while reminding ourselves this was a preparation event, not an absolute. We're lucky to have so many great options, but it does make it hard to narrow down too!


Queen Bug said...

I guess my problem is that we don't have many options, if that makes sense. The BIG thing for us is involvement in the kids lives. So right now, we have 2 options. But the only person involved in the girls' lives on a daily basis is my mom. She calls to talk to them everyday when I'm home, and we visit each other frequently, but she wouldn't be able to take care of them due to her health. There really aren't too many other people that we can say without a doubt that are there for them. They're so close to my mom, she knows everything they do. I don't have to call and say "Guess what bug or bee did." The girls tell her. We'll see I guess. I decided today to give it another year. And trust that if something happens to us in the meantime, the state will look after their needs.


© 2010 The Dysfunction of Motherhood. Powered by Blogger
Design by Sassy Girls Design