I didn't drop off the face of the earth!

Between funerals,weddings, planning birthdays (Congrats T and S, it was gorgeous!) and raising kids there just hasn't been enough blog time lately but I had some today for an update.

Bee is sleeping all night at not even three months! She holds her head up, laughs, smiles, coo's, rolls from tummy to back and back to tummy. We frequently find her on the other side of her crib now. Her doctor is amazed because this is stuff a four month old does. My only gripe is that while I enjoy breastfeeding, I'd like to stop and she's not having it. She'll take a bottle of breastmilk with no problem, but not a bottle of formula. She'll take them mixed together with some fuss, but eventually gives in. I'd like to start working but don't feel comfortable doing so unless she's taking a bottle since I won't be home at her bedtime.

Bug isn't two quite yet.. but it's coming up here soon! She's having a curious george themed party. She's forming six-word sentences, double what a normal two year old would do. She knows hundreds of words, too many to even write them all down. She's potty trained, dresses herself and tells us what she wants. Now, if she didn't have a meltdown when she doesn't get what she wants, she'd be the perfect child. She even knows her bedtime routine enough to tuck herself in at night! She loves her little sister. She helps with diaper changes, picking her outfit and dressing her. She helps with tummy time, and recently started wanting to read her books.

And..there goes the rest of my blogging since one kid woke up from a nap! Hope all is well with everyone. I hope to catch up some more soon!

in a funk...

I can't stop thinking about my dad lately and I guess it's because April 18th is coming just around the corner. The last time I was at my dads grave (February 17th), I left a picture of Bee poking out of the foam core that was in flower vase. My mom went there today... all the flowers, the American flag and the foam core was blown away by the wind but the picture of Jena was still in the bottom of the empty vase. When she saw it, she called me crying. She goes there on a bi-weekly basis and never saw it until now. We both got choked up and started reminiscing our regrets and our happy times with him. There's so much more I regret though. The hardest one came to memory just randomly while I was driving back this weekend from a trip to Richmond. Not much else to do on a 4 1/2 hour drive... My dad slept in the bedroom, my mom slept on the couch in the den. At night my dad would call her but my mom isn't a light sleeper by any means, however, I've never really been able to sleep at night (until I had kids) and I would be awake in my room listening to him call her and I'd ignore it. If I needed something, I would take a detour so he couldn't see me walking by his room. I guess having all the rooms set in an circular fashion allowed for that. Then when I moved to college, I could hear him calling for my mom in my room and I'd get homesick, hop in my car, drive home, and do the same thing... just listen to him call her, me or anyone. On the rare occasions that I did answer, I copped an attitude and told him people need to sleep and he should only call when he needed something. Aren't I just so nice?

Then after I met my husband, he only wanted to talk to him. When I'd go in there to talk to him, he'd ask for my husband. My mom let me in on a little secret... when we were visiting, he wanted to sleep with his dentures in, in case my husband popped in to talk to him.. he didn't want to be without his teeth. My dad didn't deserve MS, and he didn't deserve the way he was treated.. even if I was young and stupid. Even if I was treating my parents the way all kids treat their parents. Wishing I was something better now is a mout point, that much I understand, but it doesn't hurt any less. And the only thing I can do is stress to people to tell your parents you love them and to thank them for everything they've done.

Wordless Wednesday-- (on a monday!)

My dad and my niece about two months before he died...






This post is going to be up for the next week. This week is MS Awareness week. And it's made me remember that I've signed up to do the MS Walk. I haven't been able to fundraise with the addition of a newborn to our family. I know I won't make my $1,000 goal, but I can at least make as much of an effort as possible, right? Thank you to the two people who have donated thus far, it really means a lot to me.


Anyway, MS is devastating to any and everyone with it. My dad will have been gone two years in April and it's still hard for me to even remember his life because he was in pain for all the years that we were alive together. I miss him and I remember him losing all his abilities, his sight, being able to eat, use the bathroom on his own... shower on his own. I remember him screaming at night. I remember him asking me to try to move his leg and then screaming from the pain of it but he still needed it to be moved. I remember him having to watch TV through a mirror because he needed to be turned the other way. I remember him being drugged to the point where he had to be woken up to get his daily blended meals. I remember him being lonely but having no new stories to tell so he'd tell the same ones over and over again to anyone who would listen.


MS hurts... I recently found out a good family friend may have it. So I'm walking again, hoping somehow, some way other children don't have to see their parents suffer.

If you'd like to donate/help here's the link:

MS Walk

Don't feel obligated.... comments are just as nice. Thanks for looking!

Small post, big thought...

We're driving to PA today because my husband lost a good friend that he grew up with. He was 26 years old...he died after he went to bed at night. Even though I've only met him a few times this changes my entire world. I have two kids. I brought these kids into the world and I feel that I have one reasonable expectation--- They will always be here tomorrow. Always. They'll bury me. Lead full lives, have children, husbands, etc.. I called it a reasonable expectation, but after this it doesn't seem to *reasonable* to even carry the thought anymore. The safety of being at home, in bed at night is gone. The safety of a goodnight's sleep and waking to a new day whether it's filled with the same old routine, a day gone wrong or an absolutely perfect day just seems that much more important. You get in a car, on a plane or some other form of transportation and you know that something horrible can always happen. You climb into bed,you relax, let your guard down, close your eyes and you're supposed to feel better.