Sunday, May 25, 2008

Ok... so, I looked into a digital pressure cooker but they're too expensive for me right now. Especially since I was in the ER all day Friday. That is a $200 trip to pay. I don't want to talk about what the doctor said. I had to take the kids with me and they were pretty behaved. The doctors gave the kids each a toy. Bee got a pink Ty beanie mouse which she calls her "bahby," and now she takes Bahby most places she goes. Hugs her and says "aww sweet," and pats it on the back. The kids are just getting so big. I'm starting to look forward to the days where they can really have a conversation with me. Not a made up conversation. Real life, thoughts and things like that.

So, anyway... I haven't been to the gym in a week and we've ordered too much food out. I haven't even gone to the grocery store this week. I would usually do it on Thursday or Friday, but Thursday I was too tired, and Friday I was in the ER until time to go to work.


A lot of people say, "they just can't help themselves" and they go out and get these things. I wonder if that's my case? I do, or at least I did these things because it's a time saver. I don't pick up food because thats what I want. It's just a time saver when I've run out of time and everything is frozen. Thank you, Holly for the pressure cooker idea. It would be a BIG help. I just have to be able to afford it.... eventually.

My question to myself and I'm not sure I can even answer myself is--- Why doesn't diabetes scare me more? I guess I haven't been able to get medicine for so long that I like to pretend that everything is okay. Even though I'm tired ALL the time. Run down, no energy. Can't sleep. Can't really function at all. A doctor at the ER offered to help me. He told me to set up scheduled appointments with him and he would work with my insurance and find a medicine that I can afford. So why am I not excited and jumping on this offer? It still takes money I don't have. But it's significantly less money than I would be spending if he didn't offer to treat me. I still have so many medical bills to pay from last year and I guess it's getting frustrating. I would like to have them paid off before I try to start getting medication regularly. *sigh* I need to win the lottery so I can pay everything off. And have a good start. Lottery.... costs money to try to win. Argh!

hmm, I had something else to type... But I lost it in my brain somewhere. IT was something good too but I guess not too important. You'd *think* I could remember what it is if it was important. But that's not always true. I'm a scatterbrain....

Warning: To those who take pictures. Do not wait 8-9 months to get your pictures developed. May be that's what I was going to say earlier? Yeah, I got off work yesterday at 8pm on the dot. And I didn't get home until after Midnight! The Kodak Picture make hates me! 631 pictures came out of that machine last night. 631 pictures.... 19 cents a print. Total almost $130. Yup. Lots of money. Now, I have to sort and organize all the pictures. Get some sent to my mom before she goes on her trip and..... We all know me and organization, us two do not mix. I try, and try..... it's going to take me forever!

I'm done ranting. 2 hours of work down, 8 to go!

My first collage.. well first one in yeeeeeeeears:


<3 !!! ..... Enjoy Memorial Day with your family..... !!! <3


Holly Schwendiman said...

I got my pressure cooker as a Christmas gift...maybe you should as other to chip in on one for you for Christmas or birthday? :) I'm in the middle of my photo projects right now - combination of digitalizing printed ones from the past and getting printed copies of my many digital ones - big stuff.

I wanted to comment on your question of why diabetes doesn't scare you. I think it's like smokers, because the effects of the problem are not immediate it's easy to think that you're really sidestepping the train wreck. The problem is, your body is not forgetting. It's taking calculated hits and recording them and when the bill comes due there's no recourse, no way to undo the damage done and the reality that you were never sidestepping it hits with full force. I think it's one of those deals that because you can't readily see the consequences you can't comprehend that they're really there.

I was with my dad when the nutritionist visited with him and told him that the difference between diabetes and other things like smoking is that there is no maybe in the diabetic equation, it is certain. You simply choose what quality of life you want and when you want it. It's all about what you want when. My dad got cranky at one point and said something snide about how he just needed to starve and never enjoy the foods he likes again she replied simply, not if that's the quality of life you want now. You can eat whatever you want, you'll die sooner or have very low quality of life later. It's a choice between the quality of life you want now and later. Maybe I feel more for you because I've watched my father go through this. I've been to the dialysis center and seen the results of that quality of life. It's miserable and the only other choice outside it is death. I'm grateful that it allows my dad to stay with us but it's a horrible ball and chain and high price to pay. If there is anything you can do to avoid that fate or worse I can tell you it's worth it. Maybe you just need more exposure to end stage diabetes? It's made me take several precautionary steps in my own life, maybe it would work for you too?


Cmcelest said...

I hope everything is ok with you. I really miss you. We need to catch up because I have a lot to tell you about what is going on. Hopefully we'll get down to visit sometime in July.


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