The Dysfunction of Motherhood

My mom left for MA yesterday. She'll leave for Lebanon on Monday. I'm nervous for her, excited for her and jealous! I would love to go back, but an $1800 plan ticket is a little much for me. Then add the husband and kids... that's way too much money. Perhaps one day I can send the kids there when they are teenagers. We'll see. I'll miss her. So I'm trying to make it a point to talk to her as much as possible while she is still in the states.

What is life anymore?

I'm so tired of hearing people say things are hard. Including myself. When I was growing up, a wise man (my father) always made it a point to tell us that there is always someone in the world who has it harder. Which, I do believe that is true. I'm sure my circumstances don't even come close to somethings that are going on in the world. But I find I'm hearing these statements so much more lately... "It's hard to be a toddler," "it's hard to be a teenager," "it's hard to be a mother," etc. Isn't everything hard? At what age is anything easy really? I've thought back into time. Despite what someone I know says, we do not remember when we were toddlers. You can't really remember back to age three, except maybe a specific memory. Granted toddlers are emotional pieces of filo dough. One false move and it rips. But who remembers that anyway? As we get older even things that are on the surface are just hard. We always have something to do. There are very few things in the world now that do not have to be done. So we always have something that's not necessarily easy to accomplish. School...definitely wasn't easy. Not any of it. Elementary, Middle, High School or College... But if you study and work hard you will do well.

Relationships are hard as well, whether you're in one or not. So many people think that just because the rings are on the fingers that you'd never have to work one a relationship again. Which is completely isn't true. Marriage doesn't stop arguements, it starts them simply to test the relationship. Putting the rings on the finger is one 20 minute ordeal. That's it. It's an over-glorifed moment in time. I think the 10 year period should be celebrated with something like that. Not the intial start. The intial start can be anulled and in most cases bride and groom have not gone through much together at all. Before I got married, I went through major health issues with who is now my husband, a child, and the loss of a parent. It's those things, and the reactions that bring you close to a person... not a ceremony with a ring. That honestly is no big deal.

Being a mother isn't easy at all--- but once you get over the nostalgia of what a mother is supposed to be and take realize what a mother is, then take it day by day, incident by incident, happy moment by happy moment and stop thinking about tomorrow--- it gets a little easier. It takes a lot to realize that it's okay to "lose it," not to an extreme, with your kids. If kids didn't see your reactions to anger, they will never learn that it is okay to be angry. There are people who actually sit there and believe that you're never supposed to show your kids anger. Is it really okay to just quietly resent what your child just did? "Oh it's okay honey. I only told you not to touch that four million times and now it is broken." What could a kid learn from that? Other than they can get away with things that they shouldn't.

Of course, these are "surface" thoughts. Those are the things that are there all the time. There are other things that get tossed into life, like health and money, and the ever so important thing called "time." Learning to manage time, and have a routine is difficult. Even without kids I think it would be difficult. Sometimes I think with all the things I have to do that I need to just run away. I have not once been able to get everything that needs to be done, finished. Jena is 18 months old, I have everything I need for her first year scrapbook--- except time.

I can't even remember where my rant was going! It did have a point! I guess I've just slowly started noticing that people invest way too much in things that aren't important at all, than in the real things we need to gain from bring here. There are so many things that aren't essential to be alive. I guess that is why I feel like I've been born in the wrong time. I feel like I belong in a time far back. Where people didn't think weddings and child birth were everything. Where people didn't have so much, yet so little time on their hands that they get to sit around being depressed because there was work that their lives really did depend on. You choose to do something with your life back then, and you did it until you died. Now people change careers so much there is no purpose in it anymore. There really isn't a purpose in going to college because half the people who graduate don't stay in there field. There's always a job that will allow people to make money to buy everything to survive. Nothing is honestly "home made" anymore. There's something that had to be purchased in almost everything now. This is why everything is so expensive.... and it's only going to get worse.