Just talked to my mom

She's so sick! She could barely talk. Her flight out of Lebanon leaves at 4am THIS Saturday! She'll stay in MA for a little while and fly back to NC on the 14th. I live 3 hours away from her but the thought of her being 3 hours away and not the Atlantic ocean and 7 hour time difference away is making me excited. I can't wait to have her back. It's felt like something has been missing in my life this entire summer. When she's back I can breathe a big sigh of relief. I'm so ready to be able to talk to her more again.


Other than that, sleeping problems and a birth control switch that has me nervous. It's important right now to not have a new baby--- VERY important. The one I was on was throwing my entire body off and making my current problems worse. The doctors wanted me to come in but I asked them to just change my RX as a start so I don't have to pay to see them right now. Well, they did---- gave me a more expensive BC and on top of that the warning list is so long I haven't even been able to read it all. There is a lot of emphasis on diabetic patients taking it and having problems. That scares me a lot since just that section is more than a paragraph long! It's crazy, I haven't even read all of the drug interactions yet but apparently caffine has some affect on the effectiveness of it. So now I have to cut caffine out? It's not entirely clear on cutting it out or reducing... or even how much caffine to have. It's crazy, honestly. I'll give it 2-3 months to work and hopefully I will see improvements in pain, bleeding and all the other bells a whistles that come with endometriosis. The biggest concern they have right now for me are polyps (spelling?) so if problems persist, I guess I'll get that looked into.

I think that's my main problem-- the reason I can't sleep anymore. My health is on the back burner because I can't afford to pay for everything I need. People tell me, "just watch what you eat," but it's so much more than watching what I eat. I'm popping a pill every day, 3 weeks out of the month that has an adverse affect in itself on blood sugar control. It's frustrating in itself when people are telling me to take care of myself and giving me all these suggestions that really won't even help me. It's hard to tell them to back-off when I know they think they are trying to help me. Even the suggestions for a tubal end up making me angry. The side affects of a tubal are more bleeding and cramping. Hello?! Endometriosis----- extreme pain, heavy bleeding and extreme cramping. It's already hard to function as it is with that. They would not even do the surgery unless my blood sugar is under control. Thank you birth control... and lack of money. It's crazy. I'm afraid of my future and I can't turn that off at night or even during the day.

On a good note, I have lost weight. 15 pounds of weight. Thus far it's had no affect on lowering my blood sugar. I thought by 10lbs I would see some kind of difference but I haven't. I will admit, I do fall off the wagon. I have a few pieces of fun sized candy or a small amount of ice cream from time to time when we're watching a movie but I have not had a full candy bar in a VERY long time. I can't even remember when that was. So it's a start. I can only do it a day at a time and hopefully soon I won't even give in to the fun size candies. The thought of eating a regular size candy bar is repulsive honestly. The next step after I conquer the candy thing is the potatoes, white rice and white flour products. I've done well to not buy cookies and oreos! It's an accomplishment that I wish the people who are offering me suggestions would take into consideration before they completely devour any self-esteem that I've gained. Baby steps--- unfortunately. The fact that I can't wear my pants without having to constantly pull them up... you would think they would back off a little bit and let me do this my way. I guess not. And it makes me feel like a horrible person. It really does. Because I slip up and have a couple of small piece of candy.... Is that so bad? Go ahead and slap the cuffs on me now.




I need to stop ranting. I guess now that it's 2am, I can may be pull out the iPod and try to get some sleep. I hope all is well with everyone!