Thursday, December 17, 2009

Music can impact your life...

Today was a busy day. Bug and Bee each had a Christmas party. Those are always fun for them. They look forward to it every year.  It was also Redmosqui's and I fourth wedding anniversary. I could write about the insulin pump and what I think about it but today, this blog is about music and how it can impact our lives.

This morning, my mom and I shared coffee. Something I can't have very much of. But anyway, in the midst of a ton of phone calls today, we had coffee in between. We got to talking about life, love and dreams. I've always been attached to music. I used to be very involved in dance--- ballet, point, tap, jazz, rhythmic gymnastics. Even took dance as a class in high school. I love the way music makes me feel. I loved it so much that I used to take my orange tube of banana boat sunscreen, and use it as a microphone in my room... I'd blast the music, sing and dance. We were talking about that because I recently told her that when I think about my dad, I put on some songs, sing and remember him. The dancing part is hard with the foot injury. But I still like to crank the tunes up and sing. It always makes me feel better. My dad back in the day was really big on music (Michael Jackson, Bee Gee's, Billy Joel, Elton John, Eric Clapton, etc) which is probably where I got that from.

 I made my mom a CD a couple of months ago so that she could listen to somethings that I listen to when I think about my dad, like Josh Groban's song "To Where You Are."  She enjoys the CD. I don't think she really listened to many CD's before. She doesn't actually own regular CD's. Just one of arabic music, and the one I made her.  We got in the car, and of course my current cd addiction was playing. I had asked Redmosqui to download Belle of the Boulevard by Dashboard Confessionals. Being the awesome person that he is, he got the whole CD. I put it in my car and have fallen in love with the album in it's entirety. It's an amazing album with music for almost anyone on there. I liked Dashboard Confessionals before, but I now have a new found respect for them.

There is a song on the album called "Even Now." This song came on while my mom and I were in the car. She got misty-eyed and then I realized the impact the lyrics of this song were having on her. It only took me a minute to realize that while I lost my father. She lost the love of her life. I then got misty-eyed with her. I cannot imagine having to cope with a loss like that. I get in my own world sometimes when I think about my dad but my life, though I am not whole without him, is still very much the same. I still do the same things I have done. I can't see him, I can't talk to him, but I do think about him. He was her whole world. From morning to night, every meal, every minute.  My mom and I have a very strong relationship with each other. Perhaps stronger than most mother-daughter relationships. The true realization of her loss made my heart feel tight today. I know she wouldn't be able to be here and spend this kind of time with me if he were still here. I cherish every minute of it, and see that she's happy here with us. But on the other hand, I see the agony in her eyes as well. I wish I could fix that for her.  This one song, brought us closer together. And for that, I thank Dashboard Confessionals for reminding me to cherish the loves of my life.  I thought I would share these lyrics since I know not all people listen to guy.  The lyrics really do show just how many things there are in life that remind us of those who are gone.

Even Now---- Dashboard Confessionals

Even now I can smell your clothes
Freshly from the wash
Still hot from the dryer

Even now I can smell your skin
To wrap you in a towel
Lay you on the bed
And try to love you

Even now I can feel your arms
I can feel your breast
I can hear your songs
And I always can find you again

Even now I can feel your hand
Gently over mine
With almost no weight at all

Even now I can feel your eyes
Watch me as I strum
Much too late at night

Even now I can see you smile
I can hear you hum
I can hear you sing
And I always can find you again

Even in the dark of night
Even in the lowest light
Even as the world outside
Is spinning, and spinning

Even now I can feel your hair
Blow across my cheek
As we sit in one of two chairs

Even now I can feel your face
Resting on my chest
Wrestling for sleep
And failing at it

Even now I can see you sleep
I can see you dream
I can see you fly
And I always can find you again.....


Holly Schwendiman said...

Music is so powerful. I'm glad you made her a CD and that you can share these tender moments together. That's what gets us through the tough time...have loved ones around us.


Daddy Forever said...

I miss my mom too. Sometimes I wonder if she can see me up there.


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