Life at the moment.... Long update

I feel bad that I missed Wordless Wednesday last week! Things are not going to well with me. I have had several mishaps with my doctor. One recently being with lab work. I had to drive to two different labs only to have both of them tell me that those particular labs are not drawn or tested in our state. I feel bad... I did flip out. I told them to just take some blood and figure it out later. There were talks of tests to see if I have Lupus. There is an underlying cause we just can't find it. Several possibilities out there for it as well. The first thing is they recommend I have my gall bladder taken out before it's affected. So I am scheduling the surgery for next week. It's upsetting that I have not been able to live my life all year. I feel bad for my children. I feel like they suffer. I am always tired. I am always swollen. I've given up telling strangers that I am not pregnant when they ask me how far along I am. I just make up a month, make up a sex... mix and match every time. Hopefully, removing my gall bladder will do something for me. Whether it's slowing down the attacks, or even stopping them completely at least for a little while. Hopefully, the Lupus test.... if they were able to get it done, will be negative. I don't know what Lupus is but I know I am not looking up unless they confirm it. For a long time, I really did think all of this was my weight. But it turns out... its the swelling and distention. I've given up on food almost entirely. Most days I make one meal and eat it slowly throughout the day. I never really liked breakfast too much anyway. I keep Saturated Fat intake and calorie intake well below 50% each day and I watch the carbs too.

For right now, it's a lifestyle adjustment. Any and all food hurts. It really does hurt to eat and lately, I also noticed I haven't really been drinking water.... or anything for that matter because it hurts too. I've given up on red meat almost in it's entirety. I've given up most pork. I have gone semi-vegetarian. I like meat a lot so I refuse to give up what I don't have to.... like lean meats. I don't even worry too much about food anymore. Eating isn't a big deal and I find if I eat at work I risk having to go home. I don't want to be out of work longer that I have to. I like my job. I like the idea of being at home with the kids during the day... being able to pick Bug up from kindergarten..... being able to take Bee to school. I love those freedoms and a day job just won't cut it. I make great money.... It's a really really really really really really good job. And the health insurance is great too. The hospital stay earlier this month so far has cost $30k. All the bills are not in yet. The best had about it is I do not owe anything for it! The downside of my job---- I am always exhausted because I walk into the house between 2:30a-3:00. Argh! But I have it made at this job so I am going to do what I can to keep it.


We do have some wonderful plans this week. We're headed to where we got married with the Bug and Bee. We don't really have anyone to watch our dog so we'll board her for a few nights. We're probably going to do a 2 hour jeep tour. Red is on the fence about it... he doesn't want me to have an attack of pancreatitis while on a mountain. We'll see. I would like to do that. I also hope we get to go apple picking before the girls go back to school. Other than that..... We did get Bug most of her school uniforms. We got most of her school supply list. Just a few odds and ends and we're ready! Kindergarten camp for her is August 9th! I am excited. My baby is going to kindergarten!! Okay, I am done being all giddy about it.


I didn't write about this on another post, but Red and I had such a great time at the Train and John Mayer concert that I got us tickets to see a new up and coming band called Wakey! Wakey! They are based out of New York and tickets weren't expensive at all. I figure well leave after they're done, we don't even need to see the main act. And on top of that I love the Tremont Music Hall. I have not been there in a while, and  Redmosqui probably hasn't been there at all. Just being at the other concert and having my heart beat sync with the drums and feel the music was just...... Amazing! We had pretty good seats but I swear Gigantor was sitting in front of me. Not that it mattered...we stood the whole time. So, Wakey! Wakey! is our last show. And their music and lyrics really do carry something I haven't heard in a long time---- if ever. The write must have really had his heart broken to be able to write those lyrics. And he must've been a real jerk to someone too.  Hmmm 30 minutes until 6am and I am still awake. I better at least try to sleep! If you mad it through.... thanks for reading!