Bad days...

I'm wondering how other people handle bad days. Especially when it comes to the other people in your life. For the last few days, I've had a lot of stuff to do. Between going to the gym, returing some things that need to be returned and making new purchases. I don't like having a short fuse with my children. They pretty much still babies and are expected to touch, scream and generally not listen when I take them out because they're just at that age. But I don't want to become Mom-zilla, and I feel it coming on. On top of that, my answer to it all... The tiredness, the stress, etc is to pick up food from somewhere. Usually Wendy's or McDonald's but sometimes like yesterday, Zaxby's. We've done this probably the last 4 days now. Because I've been tired and stressed with work and everything. But I cannot become a hermit and stay in the house. Not after I joined a gym. But Gym or not, things still need to get done. Kids still need to be taken with me. The amount of fast food we've eaten this week is ridiculous.

My mom left on Tuesday. When she was here she was actually cooking for us. But she left... Tuesday I didn't go anywhere, I made a crock pot roast. Wednesday, I resumed going to the gym. Somehow, I got conned into an aerobics class and trust me my body couldn't handle that. I was sore DURING the aerobics. But I still went to the mall afterward to get Lanie's hair cut and by some books. Of course, since Lanie did well, we got Chick-fil-a. I was so tired, so were the kids. We came home, walked up the stairs and took naps. I didn't wake up until 30 minutes before time to go to work. So, a quick call to my husband who was on his way home from work, resulted in Wendy's. And I believe after work that night we had Taco Bell. Thursday, we went to at least 5 different stores. That excursion resulted in $22 meal at Zaxby's.... Going all these places does place a lot of stress on me. In and out of the car with 2 kids constant and keeping them happy wherever were are. This makes me feel like I've had a bad day when I haven't. It was really just busy. Not bad.


There has to be a better way. What do you do with your families when you're gone all day? Or does this go away when the kids are in school? I'm tired of clogging all of our ateries. I maybe doing great going to gym at least twice a week, but I'm not really doing anything if I eat fast food this much. I love the kraftfoods.com website, that's a great site for quick meals but I still feel like that's too much. I've searched to see if there is somewhere that I could purchase a family meal (a real one, not KFC). And there just isn't one. There is dream dinners. 12 dinners you still need to prepare for $200+ per month. That's just too expensive. I don't know... I feel like as a wife and mother this should be stress that I can manage and figure out ways to get around it. Yet, it's not managed at all.


Ideas anyone?

I'm back!!

I guess it helps to have a laptop upstairs. So when I'm policing the halls during naptime to make sure Little Bug doesn't do something she shouldn't do before she takes a nap... like go wake up Littlest Bug while she's napping.... I can get on here a blog again.


Things have been busy, I'm still on the same schedule. Wake up with both girls at 7, take care of them until about 4:30, then head to work from 5pm until usually about 11pm, or whenever I'm done after that point. That's just Monday-Friday. Saturday is my only day off. Then Sunday, I have a 10 hour work day. It's hard but the money is good. I miss the kids a lot. They can be so cute in the evening when their bucket of energy has dwindled down. When I put Bee to bed on Saturdays, she didn't want to let me go. For some stupid reason, I decided to give her a pillow about a week or so ago. Now, she doesn't care if I put her to bed or not. She's in love with having a pillow. She finally started walking in March. Bug turned 3 on April 8th. Seriously, where does the time go? In 2010.... two years from now, Lanie will be in Kindergarten. That's going to be one hard day for me. Daddy D might have to take off work to help me leave her there.


Lately I've been struggling to find a balance. A balance between taking care of my self (the basics-- diet, exercise, shower, etc), you know, the stuff that keeps up with your self-esteem, and taking care of the kids and the house. How does anyone manage all that with 2 toddlers? There are all kinds of scenarios that I keep playing at in my head, but when I get home at or after midnight, then maybe get to sleep by 1am-2am, and up again at 7, I've already neglected one of my basic needs--- Sleep. I'm averaging 5 hours a night. Daddy D usually lets me sleep in on the weekend, but this weekend that didn't happen and it's Monday, and I'm really feeling the energy decrease. There's got to be away to do this. Not a perfect way, I'm not saying that there is one because I have to factor in appointment, grocery shopping and other things on different days. But I'd like to be able to get a shower everyday. Which, if the kids don't get a nap... I don't get a shower. They are at the age when you just can't turn your back on them, even if they're in the room when you shower. Argh.... Need time management classes or something!

Here are pictures of my "handfulls" that were taken this year:





























They may look cute.... but it's all an act. ;o)

Can life get anymore dysfunctional?

Ok, I'm back from the dead.... well, I'll get to that later!

Training is over, and I'm a fulltime working gal, and a fulltime mom. It's going to be hard. I got home at midnight last night. Since my health insurance hasn't kicked in, I had to a "procedure" for a cyst on my own. That took 2 hours. So I went to bed after 2am. I'm crazy, I know. 2 more months and I'll have insurance. I missed the girls the four weeks I was in training. I didn't realize that I hadn't made a post in so long. I updated my MySpace, I'll head to livejournal next. It's definitely been a while. I can't really tell you about my job yet. Well, I could. I have a lot to say but with any company, I'm not going to put it out there. It's just not right.

Bee:
Has four teeth, another is cutting now.
Crawling and standing
Eating "people" food
Says: Jena, Mama, Daddy, Lanie, No, Bye

Bug.. what can I say about her? If she'd ditch the tantrums (which we are working on), I would no longer consider her a toddler even at 2 years of age. I'd consider her a girl. She tells us what she wants and what she needs. And what she wants to do. The only obstacle to get through is helping her deal with us telling her no. That's it.

Both of them still haven't been sick yet... no colds, no ear infections. I did get Jena's ears pierced on Sunday. She didn't cry, and it looks so cute. I do miss a lot of my friends. We've been playing phone tag for the last 4-5 weeks.

How is everyone in the blog world doing? I have a lot to catch up on here too!

College and Wordless Wednesday (at the end)

Has college ruined the way Americans eat? I woke up this morning with one eye sealed shut and blood shot, to a rumbling tummy... and two kids on the monitor playing with each other. I thought to myself "I'm hungry. I could really go for some "bacon, eggs, hash browns... no grits, no... I don't know! Mix it all together!" That doesn't sound good at all, does it? But that's what I did in college. I'd get up, choose a bunch of random hot things, and mix it with grits. Eat, and go to class. Then for lunch, they had a pizza bar, baked potato bar, sandwich, waffle bar, salad bar, pasta bar, soup bar, hot entree bar, dessert bar, ice cream bar, cereal bar, ChickFila, Subway, Sushi place, Chinese food, Pizza Hut, Burger King, a general grocery store, gourmet coffee shop and I know there's a lot more, I just can't remember that far back (2001) when I lived on campus. I feel like having all these options for any meal, for any food at anytime has ruined the way I eat.

When I lived at home, you ate what mom made or you made yourself a sandwich and called it a day, of course there was also the option of not eating there too. Now I'm struggling, it's like I expect to be able to keep that kind of variety stocked into my small pantry, fridge and freezer. And at any moment during the day be able to change my mind as to what we're having. When I think about meal time, I think of all those varieties and struggle with the option to pick one. When I was in college, I HAD to have a meal plan, even when I left campus for a while. So, even at home, I can't have a morning coffee because I don't have 20 flavor options! Sure, we have flavored creamer (currently white chocolate raspberry, irish cream and vanilla) but that doesn't seem to be enough... it's not the coffee shop with different smells and flavors of coffee, different flavored sugar, nutmeg, cinnomon.... fresh baked goods every morning. They literally, knew me at the coffee shop on campus. I owned several store cups (because then coffee is $0.99 with your $12 store cup), I'd walk in, pour my coffee, get it ready, and by time I got to the check out they already had my chocolate criossant ready for me, I didn't have to say a word!

Ok enough story... here is my point. I'm doing it to my kids. (At least, I noticed it yesterday.) When one of them doesn't want something, I move on to give them something else until I feel they've had enough to eat. "Oh, you don't want what took mommy forever to make? Okay, Mac N Cheese... no? [it's happened] Okay let me make you a hot dog. No hot dog? Ok, let me get you a fruit cup. No fruit cup? Let me get you a pudding." Even with Littlest bug, who is almost 8 months... "hmm, won't eat peas today? Ok, lets try sweet potatos, green beans, apples, bananas...." So much food wasted. I can't decide if that's a good thing, or a bad thing. My mom didn't go to college. She married my dad in Lebanon and they came here. It's a multiple choice question...

A. Eat this or don't eat.
B. Here are your two choices, if you don't like either, don't eat.
C. Keep trying until they eat.
D. Make them sit until they eat it.

Parents have done it many ways but I can't decide which is best. When Daddy D was growing up his parents chose D. And now there are so many things he won't eat. So, as an adult, when his parents cook for everyone, they make different variations. Like, on Thanksgiving. There's always the same dish made 2 or 3 different ways, omiting the ingredients people can't or won't eat. I had B growing up and then C during college because I could just eat whatever, whenever. I just can't figure out which is really best for the kids. Do I need to suck it up and let my 2 year old get hungry enough? I feel the kid every few hours so she doesn't get too cranky. I'm at a loss. I can't afford for these kids to get overweight and end up with diabetes. Aside from dinner... my mom kept the house packed with sweets. I could grab a snicker bar at anytime and eat it. The kitchen was never closed. Little Bug has learned to open the fridge. And some doctors recommend keeping a tray of fruits and veggies in the fridge and let them eat as they would like. First off... my fridge doesn't have THAT much room. And secondly.... is that even a good idea? That's non stop foraging all day if it's up to her.

At this point, I've been up for 3.5 hours... I managed to get my eye open, contacts out (day and night lenses are all they're made out to be, and eye drops in.. and most of the reddness and soreness gone... but I still haven't managed to get myself breakfast. Little Bug is boycotting cereal, and Littlest Bug got a bottle but refused her soilds for the 2nd day. What does your family do at meal time?


Wordless Wednesday:

What a week! Being a mother involves a lot of gross things.

Bee's one month appointment was on the 5th. They gave me an Rx of Zantac for her, told me to thicken her breastmilk with rice cereal and if that doesn't work, use the Zantac. Great. At the mercy of the pump again! On top of that, the pharmacy flavored it with mint, I didn't ask for that. And they gave us a useless dropper. Thank goodness we have one. It's been a week now, and the combination of the bottle and the Zantac have worked. I still breastfeed her at night, she only gets up twice at the most. If I breastfeed her during the day, I pump the milk out first. I hate to take away something that gives her so much comfort. And since it takes time to make milk, a little spit up in between isn't going to kill me. It's better than being soaked in it like I was before.

Tuesday was a week to the day that I noticed Bug had blood in her stool. So I called to ask what it could be and they said "bring her in." I hate that. I just had a question! But I took her in and they wanted a sample. The doctor explained to me what to do. I got the sample late Wednesday and took it to the lab yesterday. Apparently, it wasn't the right way to do it even though I did it as it was explained to me. Now I have to do it again. Oh so much fun.

Wednesday, the husband had a root canal. It was fun getting the kids ready all early in the morning [note the sarcasm] to get to Salibury.... a 20mile drive and sit in a very very small endontist office full of people with a car seat, diaper bag, toys, and 2 kids. Yeah! But his root canal went well and he wasn't in too much pain when we left. After getting all three fed and down for a nap, I had a doctors appointment. It didn't go well, I ended up getting sent to the lab for further testing for something else that I'll have forever, and have to take medication for until I die. That's always fun! It makes me want to throw a party! We had spaghetti that night and I completely forgot that Bee and tomato sauce don't mix. So she was gassy and spitting up all night. I've got to remember not to eat pizza and other stuff with tomato sauce. Tomatoes themselves don't seem to bother her.

Thursday night was the best sleep night this week. So I'm a little more rested but I think I need to sleep for 3 days straight! On top of it all, taking the girls to the doctor landed me with a sore throat and a fever. Add to that... Jon's got it! But the girls don't at least.

Ok, so I've jumped back into the blogging community. Probably sparingly for a little while longer as I have yet to introduce this section to many people yet. A lot is going on between now and May. I have a lot to get done and a lot of places to go. Life with two girls is easier than I thought it would be [so far]. Bug absolutely loves her little sister. So much that the first thing she asks in the morning is "Where's Bee?" It's adorable. She runs to her every time she cries and tries to help and comfort her. It's sweet. I know at some point, she'll get jealous but Bee is almost a month old and I'm grateful that there is no jealousy yet.

Here's a picture of family life thus far:













Right now it's hard to not have to go to work. I find myself being a little more relaxed this time around and have even been able to let Daddy D take over so I can take a nap. That was something I couldn't do the first time around. There are different aspects of "new mom guilt" in play this time. It still involves my first daughter. I worry that I don't spend enough time with her. I worry that maybe I'm too tired which results in over discipline. (I really hope that's not the case all the time even though I know I've done it a few times.) We'll see how things turn out. It's still too early. I'm thankful that we're all heathly. That Bug is thrilled with being a big sister. And that I'm not pregnant anymore!

***Warning... this post contains some not so clean words***


Ok, I've decided that I'm definitely not an experienced parent at all. Not in the least. Am I good parent? I think so....but at this point in time I'm at a loss for words. My 18 month old is curious about body parts. She points to her head, her shoulders, her knees, her toes... even the eyes, mouth and nose! (We're working on ears.) She also points to her bellybutton and with that curiousity brought two new pointing spots. Can you guess where those spots are. Yup... the breasts and for lack of a better term, I'll just use the PC term--- vagina. Of course, to her right now, they all "bellybuttons." But everyone knows that won't always be the case. So, my husband and I looked up the list of what these specific areas are called by the good, the bad... and the really bad. I'm uncomfortable calling it a "vagina" to her innocent ears. I'm uncomfortable with that term altogether. In fact, I'm uncomfortable with many of the terms that I will list. I avoid using that "part" in any sentences and I always have. It's not something that developed with age... it's something that just didn't develop at all. My daughter points to these things and while it's cute that it's "bellybutton" right now..... she's eventually going to have to learn that it isn't a bellybutton. And it's better if I tell her than she finds out elsewhere. So, here are the terms my husband and I listed.... at least one of us can get these terms out of our mouths. I managed to say 4 of the 13.

Here they are...(uh I feel so dirty):
hooha-- ok, I can say this one.
pussy-- yeah... no. it's just a discusting word.
cunt-- same as above.
crotch-- not so bad.
snatch-- how the heck did it get this name?
poontang-- same as above
twat-- seriously? people call it that?
cooter-- this I can manage.. sort of.
kitty-- what's up with the animal names?
muff--- Never heard it called that before.
beaver--- this was in Naked Gun?
down below-- just not suitable for a body part lesson.
girlie parts-- same as above.

I grew up saying "privates," that's what my mom called them.. that's what she told me to call them. And still, I feel... nasty just saying it. But ultimately, privates is what our daughters will call them because the above list just isn't cutting it.

Now... onto the "other" area..it's not as bad as the first but, it's still uncomfortable saying it to an 18 month old.
knockers
titties
boobies
headlights
jugs
hooters
melons
bazongas
cans
breasts
chest

I don't think I need to explain each one....my decision is to just be PC and call them breasts even those my husband wants "chest." My decisions tend to change... What did you say to your daughters...or what would you say? Am I being too... I don't know, immature? irrational? Nervous? Should go ahead and start planning the sex/period talk? It's amazing how much I feel like I don't know.